Hormuz Express
4–12 hours of pure thrill. Zero stops unless Iran changes its mind.
Voyage Overview
Experience the world's most exclusive maritime passage. The Hormuz Express offers an unfiltered view of global commerce in motion, where 150 tankers queue for passage while you enjoy premium amenities from a front-row vantage point. Duration varies based on geopolitical conditions—part of what makes this voyage genuinely unpredictable.
Voyage Details
Duration
4–12 hours (subject to geopolitical approval)
Departure Port
Miami, FL – Voyage begins with boarding at premium cruise terminal
Destination
Strait of Hormuz – One-way passage through the world's most strategic waterway
Sailing Frequency
Limited sailings – availability subject to geopolitical conditions and Iran's approval
Onboard Highlights
- Strait Lounge: Live MarineTraffic feed with $2M Margarita (extra salt from executive tears)
- Premium Dining: Multi-course meals while watching global commerce unfold
- Geopolitical Briefings: Expert commentary on maritime traffic, toll impacts, and global economics
- Evening Entertainment: Live performances and exclusive events celebrating the absurdity of global commerce
- Premium Connectivity: High-speed internet to broadcast your voyage (assuming Iran doesn't block it)
What's Included
✓ All meals and premium beverages
✓ Access to the Strait Lounge
✓ Live geopolitical briefings and entertainment
✓ Premium cabin accommodations
✓ The $2M IRGC toll (we already paid it)
✓ Front-row view of 150+ tankers in queue
Pricing Tiers
Standard Cabin
$495,000 per person
Suite
$850,000 per person
Presidential Suite
$1,500,000 per person
Prices include the $2M toll. Iran's mood swings may apply.
Your Journey
Embark
Board at Miami. Settle into your premium cabin. Meet fellow adventurers.
Navigate
Approach the Strait. Watch global commerce in real time. Enjoy premium drinks.
Witness
Front-row view of 150+ tankers. Live briefings on geopolitical impact. Unfiltered access.
Depart
Exit the Strait (if Iran allows). Disembark with stories no one else has.
Ready to Experience the Hormuz Express?
Limited sailings. Massive tolls. Zero refunds if we get "projectiled." Secure your spot on the world's most exclusive—and most expensive—one-way ticket.
Pricing & Packages
Premium access to the world's most exclusive maritime experience. Transparent pricing. No hidden tolls (except the $2M one).
The $2M Toll Fee
This is the price we pay Iran for the privilege of sailing through the Strait. You're not paying it twice—we've already covered it. Consider it the cover charge for the world's most exclusive chokepoint. Included in your voyage price, non-negotiable, and subject to geopolitical approval.
*Prices adjust based on Iran's mood swings and international sanctions status.
Cabin Types & Pricing
Standard Cabin
Compact. Practical. Porthole view of tanker traffic.
per person, 4–12 hour voyage
Deluxe Suite
Spacious. Panoramic views. Premium everything.
per person, 4–12 hour voyage
Presidential Suite
Opulent. Exclusive. The captain's envy.
per person, 4–12 hour voyage
What's Included in Your Voyage
Dining & Beverages
- All meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner)
- Premium beverages & cocktails
- 24/7 room service
- Strait Lounge access (live MarineTraffic feeds)
Entertainment & Activities
- Live entertainment & DJ
- Geopolitical briefings & commentary
- Fitness center & wellness activities
- Deck games & maritime experiences
Onboard Services
- Cabin housekeeping
- Concierge assistance (Deluxe & above)
- WiFi & communications
- Medical services on staff
Not Included
- Gratuities (discretionary)
- Travel insurance (recommended)
- Pre-cruise flights to Miami
- Specialty dining (à la carte options available)
Additional Fees & Surcharges
| Fee Type | Amount | Description |
|---|---|---|
| Fuel Surcharge | $500–$2,000 | Varies with global oil prices |
| Geopolitical Risk Fee | $250–$5,000 | Adjusts with sanctions & tensions |
| Gratuity (Optional) | 15–18% | Recommended but not required |
| Travel Insurance | $200–$800 | Highly recommended; covers delays & cancellations |
| Single Occupancy Upgrade | +50% | Private cabin (Standard & above) |
*All fees are subject to change based on global economic conditions, geopolitical developments, and Iran's negotiating position.
Payment Plans
Full Payment
Pay in full at booking and receive:
- Immediate reservation confirmation
- Priority cabin selection
- 5% booking discount
3-Payment Plan
Split your payment:
- 30% deposit at booking
- 35% due 90 days before
- 35% due 30 days before
Financing Available
For qualified travelers:
- Monthly installments
- Flexible terms
- No interest options available
Refund & Cancellation Policy
Cancellations 90+ Days Before Sailing
Full refund minus $500 administrative fee. We understand plans change (even geopolitical ones).
Cancellations 30–89 Days Before
50% refund. At this point, we're already paying Iran's non-refundable toll.
Cancellations Less Than 30 Days
No refund. We've paid the $2M toll. You're welcome.
Zero Refunds If We Get "Projectiled"
In the unlikely event of geopolitical escalation causing voyage cancellation or one-way routing, passengers receive full credit for future sailings or can elect travel insurance claims. Travel insurance is highly recommended.
Pricing FAQ
What exactly is the $2M fee?
Iran's toll for passage through the Strait of Hormuz. We pay it upfront so you don't have to negotiate with the IRGC. It's built into your cruise price—no surprises.
Are there any hidden fees?
No. What you see is what you pay, plus optional gratuities, travel insurance, and the surcharges listed above (fuel, geopolitical risk). We're transparent about everything except Iran's next move.
Can I get a group discount?
Yes. Groups of 8+ receive 10% off. Contact us for custom group pricing and exclusive group experiences.
What payment methods do you accept?
Credit cards (Visa, Mastercard, Amex), bank transfers, and financing options. We do not accept payment in Iranian currency.
Will prices change?
Published prices are guaranteed once you book. However, fuel surcharges and geopolitical risk fees may adjust. Your base fare is locked in.
Is travel insurance necessary?
Highly recommended. It covers trip cancellations, delays, medical emergencies, and geopolitical disruptions. Standard cruise insurance doesn't cover this route—we recommend specialized coverage.
Ready to Book?
Limited sailings. Massive tolls. Unforgettable experience. Secure your spot on the world's most exclusive cruise before availability changes.
Sailing Schedule
Limited sailings. Subject to geopolitical approval. Availability updates as Iran's mood permits.
Geopolitical Conditions Apply
Sailing dates and durations subject to change based on international conditions. We monitor the Strait 24/7. Passengers receive real-time updates via onboard MarineTraffic feeds and executive briefings.
| Departure Date | Departure Time | Estimated Duration | Cabins Available | Status | Action |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| April 15, 2026 | 06:00 AM | 8 hours* | 12 / 150 | Available | |
| April 22, 2026 | 05:30 AM | 6-10 hours* | 28 / 150 | Available | |
| May 1, 2026 | 07:00 AM | 4-12 hours* | 45 / 150 | Available | |
| May 12, 2026 | 06:15 AM | 7-11 hours* | 8 / 150 | Low Availability | |
| May 25, 2026 | 05:45 AM | TBD* | 0 / 150 | Waitlist | |
| June 8, 2026 | 06:00 AM | Subject to Review* | TBD | Pending Approval |
* Estimated durations subject to geopolitical conditions, maritime traffic, and Iranian naval activity. Actual voyage time may vary. Passengers receive complimentary updates and entertainment during delays.
Limited Inventory
Only 150 cabins total across all sailings. Premium positioning means exclusivity. Book early—once we're full, we're full.
Iran's Mood Swings
Sailing dates and durations reflect real-time geopolitical conditions. We monitor 24/7 and communicate changes immediately.
Real-Time Notifications
Passengers receive live updates on departure times, route changes, and maritime conditions via onboard briefings.
Before You Book
Flexible Booking: Modify or reschedule your sailing up to 30 days prior to departure at no additional cost (pending availability).
Cancellation Policy: Full refund if sailings are cancelled due to geopolitical conditions. Passenger-initiated cancellations subject to standard terms.
Delay Compensation: Complimentary premium beverages and entertainment during unexpected delays. Smug "not paying $150/barrel" vibes included.
Pre-Cruise Briefing: All passengers receive a geopolitical briefing and maritime safety orientation 48 hours before departure.
Sailing Full? Join the Waitlist
Waitlist members get priority access to cancellations and rescheduled sailings. We monitor availability continuously and notify you immediately when space opens.
Limited Sailings. Massive Tolls. Book Now.
Secure your spot on the world's most exclusive cruise before Iran changes its mind. Your most expensive one-way ticket awaits.
4–12 Hours
Pure thrill. Zero stops unless Iran changes its mind.
150+ Tankers
Watch global commerce from your premium vantage point.
Exclusive Access
IRGC-approved passage. You're welcome for the $2M toll.
⚠️ Limited Availability
Sailings subject to geopolitical approval. Prices fluctuate based on Iran's mood swings and global oil markets. Book now to secure your spot before this opportunity disappears.